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I will not use actual names of actors in these stories. Instead I will be using nicknames I've been calling them for a very long time. My old man I call him Mr. Porker, as for his wife I call Mrs. Clownfish. There are reasons I name them this & will explain it later. For now I will tell a story of this event which took place in my life years ago.

Twenty years ago I was in my teens. Somewhere between the age 16 or 17. Mr. Porker use to tell my brother & I how building around the house was his hobby. Not long after he began to force us to get involved in his hobby even though he knew my brother & I were in school & had to study all the time. This always drove us over the edge as it had been causing us to fail our assignments. Mr. Porker had already been pestering my brother most of that day all into the night. Twas around 7:50pm or so, as Mrs. Clownfish usually gets off work at either 7:00 or 7:30pm. She was already at home just as Mr. Porker began to start stressing me out.

We had quite an argument as he refused to leave me be to my studies.

"School ain't gonna put clothes on your back or food on your table."

He always tells me this only for later on he would have an excuse to complain about they we failed our classes. He always knows why, yet he only loves to vent as it be like a second religion to him as well as a daily part of his life. That night he decided to lecture me about stupid shit from the past.

"The doctors were amazed when we had y'all & they said you shouldn't have been born. You should be thankful as there were two others who were born before you who didn't make it. We almost lost you too. I was playing with you while holding you up by the feet in the kitchen & accidentally dropped you. Your skull nearly caved in & we had to rush you to the hospital. While the doctors were fixing you your mum & I went to church to pray for your survival & so here you are."

The whole story made me feel sick, let alone all the hardship Mr. Porker put us through for years. I told him thinks would have been better if the other two who didn't make it were here instead of me. Now I don't entirely remember the rest of what I said as it's been years. Something I said set Mr. Porker off to maniacal laughter. He was laughing so hard as if he payed someone to tell him a million dollar joke.

I was more than stressed out enough & since I was still young this had only bought me to tears. As much as I would like to say how crying is only for the weak, I totally felt pathetic & helpless that time. Yes... that was perhaps the hardest I had every cried in my entire life. Mrs. Clownfish was worried & called me over trying to comfort me.

"I'm sorry for not being such a good mother, as I'm always out working & never being able to be home with you."

She said this to me while hugging me in a motherly way. All she could do was put the blame on herself when she really wasn't the one to blame then & there. Of course... after Mr. Porker heard this his maniacal laughter immediately ceased. His shit eating grin turned to the frown of the utmost resentment.

"Stop that!"

Mr. Porker screams.

"YOU!! Go to your room! And YOU!! Take your ass out to the garage! We're gonna have a talk!"

Mr. Porker sent me off to my room. I have no idea what happened after that that night. All I do know is between Mr. Porker & I... He has totally destroyed our relationship. Now I'm not totally dumping all the blame on him saying as I know I have done things really fucking stupid in my life that was worth the beatings for. Yet there are times where Mr. Porker asked for some hell. That is one of those time... just one out of many other which came later. If I would have known just how fucked up he would be later in life I wouldn't know what I would have done back then. You know when people tell you how you'd regret even being alive I know that is a threat, but at the same time I tend to see just how much sence it makes when life gets too complicated. In other words you never have to go looking for trouble. Trouble looks for you.

I do know one thing. I'm beyond depression with him. He has only become worse all since I'd been living with him for 30years. He doesn't want the family to leave him cause he won't have anyone to bully around anymore. To Mr. Porker breaking a person is cheaper than breaking an object & replacing it. What he doesn't know is even though you can replace a broken object... you can't replace a broken limb so easily, let alone you can never replace a lost life. But of course he doesn't care, cause that's the way humans are. 
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July 12, 2017
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